Hello Neighbor

"In worship we have our neighbors to right and left, before and behind, yet the Eternal Presence is over all and beneath all. Worship does not consist in achieving a mental state of concentrated isolation from one’s fellows. But in depth of common worship it is as if we found our separate lives were all one life, within whom we live and move and have our being."

- Thomas Raymond Kelly

This is how I want to teach

"Education either functions as an instrument which is used to facilitate integration of the younger generation into the logic of the present system and bring about conformity or it becomes the practice of freedom, the means by which men and women deal critically and creatively with reality and discover how to participate in the transformation of their world.”

 -Paulo Freire

Don't Change Me.. .

 “. . . one should bear in mind that there is nothing more difficult to carry out, nor more dubious of success, nor more dangerous to administer than to introduce a new system of things . . . .”

-Machiavelli

stay humble

OZYMANDIAS

I met a traveller from an antique land

Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone

Stand in the desart. Near them, on the sand,

Half sunk, a shattered visage lies, whose frown,

And wrinkled lip, and sneer of cold command,

Tell that its sculptor well those passions read

Which yet survive, stamped on these lifeless things,

The hand that mocked them and the heart that fed:

And on the pedestal these words appear:

"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:

Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"

Nothing beside remains. Round the decay

Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare

The lone and level sands stretch far away.

- Percy Bysshe Shelley

Don't Be Afraid

"It is the basic principle of spiritual life that we learn the deepest things in unknown territory. Often it is when we feel most confused inwardly and are in the midst of our greatest difficulties that something new will open. We awaken most easily to the mystery of life through our weakest side. The areas of our greatest strength, where we are the most competent and clearest, tend to keep us away from the mystery."

- Jack Kornfield

Weary.. .

Slanted is Better

‎"Tell all the Truth but tell it slant --
Success in Circuit lies
Too bright for our infirm Delight
The Truth's superb surprise

As Lightning to the Children eased
With explanation kind
The Truth must dazzle gradually
Or every man be blind --"

 -Emily Dickenson

I give consent

“No one longs for what he or she already has, and yet the accumulated insight of those wise about the spiritual life suggests that the reason so many of us cannot see the red X that marks the spot is because we are standing on it… All we lack is the willingness to imagine that we already have everything we need. The only thing missing is our consent to be where we are.”

- Barbara Brown Taylor, from An Altar in the World: A Geography of Faith

Originality & Truth

"No [person] who values originality will ever be original. But try to tell the truth as you see it, try to do any bit of work as well as it can be done for the work's sake, and what [people] call originality will come unsought." - C.S Lewis

I wouldn't say I value originality all that much... but I do value "truth"... whatever it is. When I was younger, I thought seeking truth was a cerebral endeavor. One in which I had to think through things enough until a moment of clarity struck me that made the entire world make sense. Anyone who knew me in High School and College can attest to my over-thinking ways.

 I don't think as much as I used to. In part because adult life is far too busy for the kind of existential pondering I used to regularly engage in. But more importantly, I no longer find "thinking" a credible means to truth.

Telling the truth the best way I can means experiencing it fully, with my heart, soul, and mind. I want to tell the truth, but I still have trouble working it all out. The principles and thoughts I mentally constructed from years past are hitting the hard, hot, pavement of reality. Some of them fit nicely while other ones have shattered. Some are still being stretched and squeezed in hopes of coming together whole. As the world has changed, so have I. As my relationships have changed, so have I.

Truth is looking for the consistent in an always changing world. The same holds true for my own identity. So it is time to take a new survey of my values and beliefs and rediscover what it means for the way I live my life.

I don't care if what comes out is original or not. Rather, I hope it resonates. I hope what I teach and share echoes with the centuries of truth-seekers before me and carry will carry on to future generations.

Truth is not an individual enterprise. It is collective.

Please, let's do this together.

Art works on you in the silence... so shut up.

"Yes, the highest things are beyond words. That is probably why all art aspires to the condition of wordlessness. When literature works on you, it does so in silence, in your dreams, in your wordless moments. Good words enter you and become moods, become the quiet fabric of your being. Like music, like painting, literature too wants to transcend its primary condition and become something higher. Art wants to move into silence, into the emotional and spiritual conditions of the world. Statues become melodies, melodies become yearnings, yearnings become actions."

- Ben Okri

DC & Beijing... both worthless...

"Power is important, but the capitals of the world’s two most powerful countries—the nearest things to imperial cities today—do not quite fit the bill either. Beijing is a non-starter as a global city and will continue to be so as long as the Communist Party maintains its iron grip. In New York and London, between a quarter and a third of residents were born abroad. In Beijing the share is below 1%. Outsiders have to have a stake in a city if it is to get global status.

Washington, DC, looks a more plausible candidate for that. It contains more people who take the rest of the world seriously than any other place. The IMF and World Bank—the two prime international financial institutions—are based there. Washington takes itself seriously too, but so it should: as in 19th-century London, decisions made there matter more to the rest of the world than those taken elsewhere. Powertown has the capacity to make and unmake wars, to rescue or cripple economies. Yet there is more to being a dominant city than political authority or a multitude of think-tanks. Washington—a city of “northern charm and southern efficiency”, as John F. Kennedy said—has little going for it except the authority of the United States, and that is slipping. It is international without being cosmopolitan; it inspires respect but not imitation; it has political power, but not the power of example."

-John Parker, globalisation editor of The Economist.

Full article: What's the Capital of the World?

Notes from Dhaka

This is a ramble in the middle of Dhaka, Bangladesh
Stuck in a room of judges
... we're waiting
... often waiting for the next thing
... the whole country seems to be waiting
... I'm getting used to the waiting
... how much more they
... for elections
... for food
... for the next day
.... for better or for worse
It's interesting to be here stuck inside more often than not.
... we don't go out much
... unless we're in single file line
... 大家一起春游，小学生
... it's for our own protection
... from the uncomfortable and the poor
... corruption free Bangladesh
... rich in culture and history
... so much you'd never be able to understand it in these hours, minutes, days
... not unless you
... stayed ... with... us...
... how many are willing to stay?
... So your going to leave behind your Chinese students to teach here?
leave behind ... what?
I've stood outside for maybe an hour at most
I'm getting cabin fever here... these [sic] days
Culturally displaces...
Maybe the only Chinese American in the country
certainly the only one amongst the dozen
Asian nations represented here.
Let me out
So I can breathe that dirty air
just a little bit
... it can't be as bad for me as they think
... I wanna get my heart closer to my head... one step closer
... I wanna give it away
... give it away
... give it
... away
Get your camer stolen
get your chocolate stolen
Get your heart lost
and figure it out all over again.
...
zzzzZZZZ
but figure it out when you're rested
when you've eaten
regularly
Are you afraid of losing yourself?
If you bit loose too much...
will you be labeled that outsider
feeling lonely in your own country... home
maybe you don't fit where you are anyway
... than where?

.. .

It's nice to be admired...
-as a capable teacher
-as a quick learning judge
-as a cultural novelty
-as a fun and sociable guy
-as a token Westerner (sort of)
-as a cute face
-etc, etc, etc
but as time passes
as the music plays
the beat pulses
hips swaying
hands waving
lights flashing
smoke swirling
...it hits you
...I want those words
words
words
WORD
lyrics
to baptize
the beats
the melody
and bring me
Back...


to what?
Something Real...
Like the streets... like home
I don't know where I am going
But here I am, North-South,
University, Dhaka, Bangladesh
This is real too...
Check back in.
feel it
get
outside.

.. .

I'm getting used to the heat.
It seems I can often get used to most things
At heart, I'm passive
I try and understand
and if I can...
it's okay
If I can't
I try and make it that way.
I'm a peacemaker at hear,
but the absence of conflit is not peace
what's a better word?
平安
Shalom
Is that what I bring?
that's what i want to bring.

Policy and Principle at the Podium
Logic, rhyme, and reason on display
to sharpen young minds
break the status quo
raise up new leaders,
for what?

Outside the leaders of tomorrow riot
chaos amongst the elite
despair amongst the streets
and problems, problems, problems
for what?

One life worth a hundred more?
Democracy worth the Storm?
Sudden rainstorms, in and out of season
cars, rickshaws, clogged pipes, traffic
like our hearts

Debate right, Think right
But can weel feel right?
Feel it?

Notes from Beijing

The goal is to bring my internal feelings of love and commitment into external realities, specifically import relationships, in order to prepare my life for transition from singleness to togetherness, from "I" to "We," to ready myself for the coming of a queen, to ready my private life for the new home to be built, its foundations of servanthood, soul & vision, confidence & commitment.

Ephesians 5:25-28

.. .

Write more...
A better relationship w/ sister... equals
Stronger foundations w/ God
Serving the Church more?
Discipleship
Academics well learned & applie

What about internally my love? What kind of person do you want to be?
How can I help you go there?
To optimize your beauty?

.. .

Need to be "felt" -> feeling ignored
Need for movement vs. compassion
Don't "Sit in it" (push me with questions)
Don't
Discredit
Once I feel heard, there is
conversation.

.. .

1) Growth in honest & clear communication
what helps you feel heard?
private, doors closed
brainstorm & feedback
consistency + quality + connection

2) Feel more safe & comfortable & secure
with one another
appreciated
affirmation
be nice
:) Flattery

Trustworthiness -> Judged -> Dependable/reliable -> "gossip"

3) Don't let stress and busyness throw us off

when the other doesn't feel heard, appreciated, valued, loss of priority {sic} & conflicts
Speak up when not feeling valued

Glutted

I've mostly fancied myself a producer and creator rather than one whom only consume. I dislike the idea of being a consumer alone. Yet in recent months, I feel that is what I have become…

Much of it has to do with being more deeply "plugged in" to the digital culture of endless information. I've been glutted. Despite attempts at a healthy media diet, I am fast losing my ability to produce given the epic amount of thoughts I swallow from day to day via the various media feeds in my life.

Mind you, I am not filling my head with junk. The most worthless concepts moving in and out of my mind are likely related to baseball, a harmless past time. Everyone needs something. Otherwise, it is a mix of journalism on the state of China, digital and social innovations in education, reflections on the state of the Christian faith, and other matters pertaining to development and all forms of idealism I confess to. They are all matters that apply to my life in some way, shape, or form.

But I'm spilling over and I haven't produced.

This needs to change.

Out with Secrecy...

"Forcing the U.S. government to give up its addiction to secrecy in foreign affairs might be a good thing in the long term, although painful in the short term. After all, international relations based on secret-keeping—like relations between people who have something to hide—are inherently fragile."

-Dana Priest

Arab Spring in a Nutshell...

"Mohamed Bouazizi’s death redefined Mideast martyrdom, as civil disobedience instead of suicide bombs."

-Robin Wright, The Atlantic

Waking up Early (Thoughts on Pastoring)

I was awoken this morning before the baby cried. This is unusual. I had no reason to be up at that hour. I had gone to sleep fairly late. Maybe it was too hot or I felt too dirty. I took a shower.

Sometimes when i wake up suddenly in the early mornings, I get the feeling God woke me up. It feels like a finger poking at my soul, just enough to jolt me out of sleep, but tender enough to keep me from feeling irritated.

So I try and pray, mediate, re-center, re-connect.

I've almost forgotten how… promised so many times to re-learn the spiritual disciplines I had fostered in my younger, more zealous years.

I lay on my futon for an hour, half asleep, half in prayer… mostly prayers of thanksgiving. That spirit of thanks managed to permeate the rest of the day and, somewhere in those prayers and sleepy state of meditation, came the sense of security I so often seem to lack.

While my views of Faith and God continue to reform, do I still have the simple trust of a child?

Lunch with Phil: a man in a position I want to be in in a few years myself. Simplified and focused, intentional and open, building community and seeking justice. A stark contrast to the season of job juggling, theology studying', networking cause that's what your supposed to be doin, church-goin, baby-loving, Bmore-DC commutin, divided mess I'm in now.

But it's a seasonal thing… I am in the present and I relish what is set before me for now. I do believe it is preparing me.

Most of all, my conversation with Phil gave me a rekindled look at the ministry of the Gospel. It seems there are many in my generation grappling with the possibilities of intentional urban communities as Christ communities embodied without any of the dressings of the former institutions so often tied to Christendom and the Market. Perhaps this is the kind of pastor… Christian… I want to be.

Eugene Peterson has a memoir out on his journey as a Pastor contemplating his decades of ministry. Something about the pastors role as the one responsible for observing and facilitating the relationships between God, people, and the world. That's heavy.

You know what else is heavy? Pepperoni Pizza and Hot Dogs… but decided to skip the Ice Cream Bar… good call. Jaimie whats-his-name's Food Revolution would be proud. I'm essentially a vegetarian a little over half the week now.

Henry Kissinger has a new book out "On China" consolidating his decades of diplomacy with the Middle Kingdom. I get his basic framework, but decided to skip it and buy Joshy a book on learning how to read. I think it comes a few years too early though. Josh can't read yet and I may not have the credibility to be the China expert I think I am. Then again, maybe I am.

What I am not, is a businessman. I have no head for thinking in terms of business. My wife does. She's a natural at it. "Shark Tank" was not match for her. If churches are businesses, I cannot be a pastor. I'd run churches into the ground.

Late in the evening discovered the concept of the "multicultural" educator through Paul Gorski of George Mason. EdChange and his Multicultural Pavilion are inspiring digital spaces reflecting everything I want to be in an educator... and dare I say it... a pastor. Also got wind I may be reappointed to teach at AU again the Fall. Teaching is a passion of mine and I am thankful God has given me the opportunity to make a living doing what I love. For now, the classrooms are my parishes and it is where I wil put into practice some of these seemingly random intuitions.

So there is a theme developing here.. .

But the best parts of the day? Kickin' it with my son all day. While it can seem tedious, it is by far the most important use of my time. He smiles and giggles, dances, calls everything a dog, lays around and watches TV, pulls everything out of everything, eats and eats and eats, and is precious, precious, precious.

It was a good day.

I should wake up early to pray more often.

I hope I can do such.. .

“On the one hand, we are called to play the Good Samaritan on life’s roadside, but that will be only an initial act. One day we must come to see that the whole Jericho Road must be transformed so that men and women will not be constantly beaten and robbed as they make their journey on life’s highway. True compassion is more than flinging a coin to a beggar. It comes to see that an edifice which produces beggars needs restructuring.”

-Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., April 4, 1967, at Riverside Church in New York City

we're like pipes

"I long to create something that can't be used to keep us passive:
I want to write
a script about pumping, how every pipe
is joined
to every other."

- Adrienne Rich, from her poem "Essential Resources"

Hospitality

“Hospitality, therefore, means primarily the creation of a free space where the stranger can enter and become a friend instead of an enemy. Hospitality is not to change people, but to offer them space where change can take place. It is not to bring men and women over to our side, but to offer freedom not disturbed by dividing lines. It is not to lead our neighbour into a corner where there are no alternatives left, but to open a wide spectrum of options for choice and commitment. It is not an educated intimidation with good books, good stories and good works, but the liberation of fearful hearts so that words can find root and bear ample fruit. It is not a method of making our God and our way into the criteria of happiness, but the opening of an opportunity to others to find their God and their way.

“The paradox of hospitality is that it wants to create emptiness, not a fearful emptiness, but a friendly emptiness where strangers can enter and discover themselves as created free; free to sing their own songs, speak their own languages, dance their own dances; free also to leave and follow their own vocations. Hospitality is not a subtle invitation to adopt the lifestyle of the host, but the gift of a chance for the guest to find his own.”

-Henri Nouwen, Reaching Out

婆婆走了.. .

My grandmother passed away this evening. It has been over two years since she first entered the hospital for reasons I cannot remember at the moment. This has been a long time coming, and now that it is here, it is difficult to process. All the immediate, more expected emotions had come months before this day. I've been sad for almost two years. After returning from Sichuan, I spent practically every other day by my grandma's side with late nights and early mornings driving back and forth from the hospital to try and give my mother some rest. As my wife and I began to settle in, those daily visits became weekly ones on my way into DC for classes. A year later, with the birth of my beloved son, those weekly visits became monthly ones, and then every other month. These past few months I've kept myself busy with my own life, juggling jobs and raising my own family. In the process, it has become difficult to continue the somewhat unhealthy juggle with my mother's tenacious commitment to caring for my grandma. While there is a sense of relief that my grandmother is finally at rest, there is an equal, if not heavier burden for my beloved mother who has invested two years of her life to taking care of my grandma. This will be a very hard transition for her, and I pray desperately for the Spirit of God to bring peace and strength to her. May I have the wisdom to know how to encourage and care for her.

For almost a year now, I treated every time I saw my grandmother as if it was my last. Every time we parted, i told her how much I lover her and thanked her for making me the person I am, for embodying the most perfect love I could imagine in my childhood. She was the pinnacle of safety for a stormy childhood. The last time I saw her she was sleeping rather comfortably at St Thomas Moore Nursing Home in Hyattsville, MD almost two months ago. I was only with her a few minutes before several nurses came into the room. It was time for her dialysis. They woke her up and moved her from her bed into a large sofa-like wheelchair. I asked if I could accompany them to the dialysis room and stay with her a little bit longer. They agreed and I walked with them through a series of rather cold, concrete halls. All the while i repeated myself, "Grandma, I'm here with you. I'm here. I am praying for you each day. I pray God grants you peace. I love you." I had no idea whether or not she could hear me or process anything I said despite open eyes. They were not able to focus very clearly. It was hard for me to imagine she was still mentally conscious and aware. In many ways, I dearly wanted my grandmother to be in a vegetative state the last few months for fear of the kind of anguish she might be experiencing if she were aware. When we arrived, they began to set up the equipment. I looked deep into my grandma's eyes like i had so many times before, prayed for her, and gave her a kiss on the forehead. As always, I treated it as if it were the last time I would ever see her. This time, it was...

During my sophomore year of college, I had to interview a family member for my world history and civilizations class and write a reflection on it. I chose to interview my grandma and spoke with her over the phone for around 10 minutes. While It did not feel like very long, it was a life changing conversation. It was the first time I got to know my grandma as a person with an entire life behind her instead of just "grandma." It brought me to tears, inspired me, and shined a light on truths typically taken for granted in today's hustle bustle lifestyle. This evening, as I begin to process what the passing of my beloved grandma, I re-read that essay and ponder what my grandma's past means for me and my family's future...

---

Easten Law: CPO 1602
World Civ Seminar
Prof. Woodburn

A Long Way from Home, Yet a Faith that’s Never Changed

The early 1920’s contain some of greatest stresses China has ever experienced both internally and externally. The history books record stories of political, military, and economic intrigue. Yet within these epic tales, there are millions of untold tragedies and triumphs. These are the stories of everyday Chinese men and women who experienced the backlashes of a middle kingdom that was brought to its knees by years of struggle. They are often stories of a slow ascent into the modern world of today. They are almost always stories rooted in family, filial piety, and faith in something more. One of these stories is my Puo Puo’s (Grandma) story. It is a unique tale of the early Christian faith in China, the tragic effects of war, and a never ending commitment to God and family while longing for a home that has yet to be fully realized.

It was a time when great intellectual revolution and hopes for China’s reunification were rising after the May 4th movement in 1919. Yet my family was not so much captivated in the movement. Instead, my great grandfather and great grandmother were some of the first indigenous Chinese evangelists in China. Unlike Watchman Nee or Wang MingDao however, my great grandparents never brought about great stories of Christian heroics. They lived lowly and poor lives traveling while preaching and studying the Word of God. My Puo Puo was the youngest daughter to be born into this family on August 9th, 1922 in a village somewhere in the Hubei province. Shortly after she was born, her father died months later leaving behind his wife, my Puo Puo, three elder sisters, and an older brother. My Puo Puo never knew him, but what she does remember was the intensity of her mother’s faith to continue the good work her husband started. She remembers nights of intense Biblical study in the midst of very poor circumstances. So it is with this faith that my Puo Puo was raised, and it is with this faith that kept her strong in the series of tragedies to follow as Japan began its military campaigns.

1931, Japan invades Manchuria after report of a railroad explosion claimed to be an attack. This event is but the beginning of Japan’s conquest to overtake China. It is during this time that my Puo Puo’s family was separated. As my great grandmother attempted to continue evangelism, my Puo Puo and her siblings were raised in some of the first Chinese Christian boarding schools. The schools were poor and the education was simple. Puo Puo remembers being one of the calmest students in the class. While still a young student in elementary/middle school the boarding schools made emergency moves as Japanese forces advanced westward. As the schools moved so did my Puo Puo. Ultimately all this moving separated her from her mother, brother, and two of her three sisters. It would not be until my Puo Puo safely settled in Taiwan in the early 1940’s before she would be able to contact her lost siblings. She never managed to contact her mother again.

As war raged, Chinese families traveled endlessly to find safety as Japan continued their invasion. Upon ‘graduating’ from school, my Puo Puo went on to teach herself for about a year before meeting my Gon Gon (grandfather). He was a factory worker that had connections with the sister that she managed to stay together with. They married in 1941, and although Gon Gon was not a Christian when married, my Puo Puo made it a point to boast that he became one with time. As my Puo Puo continued traveling in China, two daughters would be born to her. In the midst of the separation and the movement, my Puo Puo seemed to finally find some elements of stability in family.

The US finally defeats Japan and VJ Day is declared in 1945 bringing WWII to an end. By now, my Puo Puo had managed to escape the turmoil’s of war by moving to Taiwan with my Gon Gon for employment purposes. Settling in an apartment in Taipei supplied by my Gon Gon’s company, my Puo Puo began housekeeping and taking care of the children. Life began to calm down and my grandparents began to live a peaceful life away from the civil war between the communists and nationalists.

My Puo Puo began investing in the local church only 5 minutes away from the three room apartment building they lived in. The faith that kept her strong in tragedy was now the faith she wanted to live out to others in service. She always served eagerly in whatever way she was needed; most evidently when she began to learn to play piano at age 30 for daily church Bible studies and prayer meetings. She remembers serving the poor on Saturdays and living in community with other families of the church. Christmas was certainly a special time for my Puo Puo but to the rest of Taiwan, Christmas was little more then an excuse to have a big meal at the western culture’s expense. My Puo Puo would spend her Christmas quietly at a special church service, and provide her children with a new set of clothes. In 1949 the nationalists lost the civil war of China and fled to Taiwan. It was also the year my mother was born. Two sons were later born to my Puo Puo as well. These were times of peace says my Puo Puo, despite the tense political situations and being financially poor herself in many ways. She seemed to find all she needed in the simplicity of her faith and family.

As time continued however, her children began to move to America one by one. A daughter married and followed her husband, and others, like my mother, left to expand their education through college and grad school. They were opportunities my Puo Puo never had. By the early 1980’s all her five children were in the States and my Puo Puo suddenly found little reason to stay in Taiwan. It seemed home was where the heart was and my Puo Puo’s heart was with her children. In 1983 my grandparents moved to America just in time to help my mother bear me. My Puo Puo had little to say about her immigrant experience. To her, nothing felt specifically funny or strange outside of the obvious language barrier and the inconvenience it provided her. She calmly stated that she went to church a lot, continued to study the Word, and played the piano while taking care of me and later, my sister. With little to do in the states, my Puo Puo committed herself to helping her children raise their children and make a home in America for us best she knew how.

Today, my Puo Puo stays with Gon Gon in Chinatown, Washington D.C. in a Chinese retirement home. Her children are all grown up, and few outside of my mother and one uncle make an effort to keep in touch regularly outside of holidays despite the closeness of proximity. They all stay in Maryland. It bothers me to know that fact because my Puo Puo had spent her early years family-less so to speak. With that experience, it was easy to see why my Puo Puo invested so much time, love, and effort into her children and even into me. With all the forced traveling and moving in her life, it seems to me the concept of home was something hard to grasp outside of the family. It breaks my heart to know that even now, home is just out of reach for Puo Puo because family members have moved on attempting to accomplish the American dream.

Despite the disconnection in family these days, as I interviewed my Puo Puo for this paper the same calm she claimed to have throughout the tragedy and triumphs of her life was evident. Although she avoided mentioning any details unless I asked specifically, she would always manage to bring faith into the topic. I think it is because faith was the place she found the peace and safety of a true home. It was faith in Jesus that raised her when her parents and family had gone. It was faith in Jesus that carried her through the harsh realities of war. It was faith in Jesus that encouraged her to raise her family strong and with opportunities she never had. It was faith in Jesus that helped her live out her life in America, a place foreign and in many ways lonely. And it is still faith today that carries her through family disparities. She still finds whatever she needs in Him.

I thank God and praise Him that my mother is one of those children that has committed to taking care of my Puo Puo in her older age. Perhaps it is because my Puo Puo has done so much to help my mother raise my sister and I after my parents’ divorce. Whatever the case, I realize how much I owe to her. Her faith and identity have shaped mine in more ways then I ever knew. When I first asked her in my broken mandarin over the phone to describe her life to me, her only response was, “I was raised in a Christian family, and so I raised a Christian family, and today, you are also a Christian, and that’s all there really is to say.” I had to ask a plethora of follow up questions to attain the information for this paper. Yet understanding the place she comes from makes her opening statement all the more meaningful to me. Yes, I am a Christian. Thank you, Puo Puo, for living a life that really shows me what that means and for raising me in a way that truly prepares me to live it out.

That is why I write

"It's simply a little story, but it wrings your heart. What's happening all around you grows easier to understand and to remember, and you learn that the most downtrodden, humblest (peson) is a (person), too, and a brother (or sister)."

-Insulted and the Injured, Dostoyevsky

sounds Taoist to me...

In order to arrive at what you do not know
You must go by a way which is the way of ignorance.
In order to possess what you do not possess
You must go by the way of dispossession.
In order to arrive at what you are not
You must go through the way in which you are not.
And what you do not know is the only thing you know
And what you own is what you do not own
And where you are is where you are not.

- T.S. Eliot, from his poem "East Coker"

Inconsiderate

Is there a way to be rude, inconsiderate, and selfish while also harboring a sickeningly low self-esteem?

Yea, I think it is.

How?

First, it involves an overbearing degree of passiveness. It is birthed by an over the top commitment to doing whatever it is the ones you care about want. In is highlighted by a strict lack of boundaries muddled by a lack of clarity for what you really think, feel, or want. Add a dash of stupidity with extra doses of absent mindedness and one is bound to say hurtful things while imagining you couldn't hurt a fly.

I am not innocent.

When all the relational rivers converge upon a narrow path without any means of managing the flow, the potential for drowning is rather high. While drowning, etiquette may no longer be of concern to me. My flailing arms will probably smack you in the face. the water I'm spitting up will probably get in your eye.

And I know... sorry isn't typically enough. Not when it becomes a habit. The pride I take in my words is misplaced. I teach, but I cannot practice. I'm deathly afraid of wasting your time, missing the signs, and losing your love.

Keep in mind the holidays ahead, Hallmark induced or not.

13.5 months

ovvvvvvvrvvvvvvvvvvvvvyoooooooooooooooooooooooovvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv{??LcXtcx(X EOPEEPA coooooccccCm
"."''''''ls;ppppppxxxxxxxxxxxx
≥l∆ߡg fff f fff f fffffffd 7f6t6xd5 e,5 µµµµµµµµµ˙∆˚/G)IH

Still Learning

xccvvvvvvvvvvv ccbb n n,jikkokkhhhjl.,,jhgcxzzn,
s sssssssaaaaaawq kopw
ccggggggggggggg  ˚˚˚˚˚˚˚˚˚˚l ˚≈ßßß˚Ωå/

B vbzbv

Never Really Gone

Old, ragged, dirty fears
Pitiful sparks of abandonment and lonliness
Seedlings of irrational worry left behind in hard, red clay
You didn't think they would be able to grow
Starved for the tears you've long deprived them
Scorched by months of sunlight poured out from above
No space below for roots to grip and choke.
It was only a matter of time before doves picked them off
and took them far, far away, never to be seen or considered again
That was the hope anyway.

Thoughts from Harvard

"Increasingly, leaders want not just to run an organization effectively, but to change the surrounding system as well. Not just improve hospital performance, but improve overall health. Not just fix troubled schools, but change patterns in communities that lead children to under-perform. Not just fix a problem, like a broken financial system, but change the culture.

Such challenging goals require leaders to operate in areas where the pathways aren't paved, and the moves aren't already choreographed. This calls for not just great leadership, but advanced leadership.

Advanced leaders work in complex systems where authority is diffuse or divided. Many people are in charge of parts, but no one is responsible for the whole. Goals are unclear or conflicting. There are multiple stakeholders with divergent interests. Outcomes are notoriously hard to measure. Barriers to change appear everywhere. In short, it's like dancing when you can't see forward and your shoes are uncomfortable.

Still, advanced leaders dance to their own tune. They find opportunities for change in the cracks in the system, in the white space where nothing is written. Rather than try to change the establishment all at once, they fill gaps, create new alliances, and forge new pathways."

-Rosabeth Moss Kanter, Harvard Business Review

New Media, New Future

"In my opinion, this is a new ecosystem emerging in media, between the so-called traditional media and the new media. And this new ecosystem is not based on competition and who is going to win, it's based on complementing each other. When our correspondents were banned, we had thousands of correspondents through these activists." Wadah Khanfar, director general of Al Jazeera, on interaction with social media. (New York Times)

What am I getting myself into here?

Seeking Unity.. .

Lord.. .

Unify my life. Bring together scholarship with practice. Consolidate my contexts with my vocation. Let my character and principles define my teaching, preaching, and organizing for both present challenges and future generations. Guide me to avoid the urgent and the good in order to invest in the timely and the best. Become present again my my heart, mind, and vision so that I may be both wholly me and wholly yours.

Amen

Sunday Morning

I thought I head You whisper to me this morning.
In between the plucking of violin strings and gentle drum beats,
to melodies that have lost their fragrance, but not their charm.
In between scripture, greek vocabulary, jokes about old cars.
These age old truths and freshly decorated principles stuffed in goat skins ready to explode and spill out all over the newly mopped floors of the old, trendy Baltimore warehouse.
Just a faint, small voice.
It didn't sound like my normal, doubting self.
Soft but assured, confident beyond my wildest dreams.
Even as my faith fails me, the age-old questions rediscover themselves again and again.
I commit and doubt, re-commit and take another step toward candle lit alters.
But it always feels like several steps back into the mist, damp and humid.
It's like condensation on the windows of my soul.
Every time I wipe it clear, it just fogs up again.
The voice draws pictures like the finger of a child.
They were silly images and ideas floating about my soft, impressionable brain.
Intimate homes amongst grand cathedrals.
I am speaking Words I barely believe in,
to crowds I am typically captive to by impression and reputation.
But as I speak, the Words come to life,
and I am not afraid.
I feel full, connected, and integrated.
My tenderness and sensitivities are strength.
The crowds build bridges upon them,
to one another,
and to God.
Seconds later, the vision is fuzzy again.
As I doubt my doubts again and again.
How long will I ignore this?
How long shall I doubt?
How long will I flip these possibilities over?

more from joshua law

iktirdwjewsxewseutsxu5rt5gc5tdd55hyaf77x 52hh5rz57hs5uzxxsxyswqa6c bZAt5rn basg5yAΩxxz xcxsa1n b gnmajz yi7wq 71q7*sj7ss8j sa

A Prisoner's Love

"Throughout all these years that I have lived without freedom, our love was full of bitterness imposed by outside circumstances, but as I savor its aftertaste, it remains boundless. I am serving my sentence in a tangible prison, while you wait in the intangible prison of the heart. Your love is the sunlight that leaps over high walls and penetrates the iron bars of my prison window, stroking every inch of my skin, warming every cell of my body, allowing me to always keep peace, openness, and brightness in my heart, and filling every minute of my time in prison with meaning. My love for you, on the other hand, is so full of remorse and regret that it at times makes me stagger under its weight. I am an insensate stone in the wilderness, whipped by fierce wind and torrential rain, so cold that no one dares touch me. But my love is solid and sharp, capable of piercing through any obstacle. Even if I were crushed into powder, I would still use my ashes to embrace you."

-Liu Xiaobo, "I Have No Enemies: My Final Statement"

Nonsense

13 murders since the new year began within 485 square miles
these numbers mean nothing
statistical nonsense
the police shoot one another on the streets outside the club.

1.12.2010

today
death and all of his friends
are still very busy
the earth shakes
i remember the children buried under schools
the rescue workers collecting their backpacks
again, and again, and again… it shakes
but I barely feel it
I sleep through it
a year ago today, the most desolate of lands became more so
how long will it take to recover from 47 seconds worth of terror?
the palace is tipping over
the holy places but a facade
they were as good as dead anyway
they were already dead to me
no matter how much I wish they weren't

Poetry & Love

"Everybody can write poetry, just like everybody knows how to make love."

Gao Xingjian, The Other Shore