Notes from Dhaka

This is a ramble in the middle of Dhaka, Bangladesh
Stuck in a room of judges
... we're waiting
... often waiting for the next thing
... the whole country seems to be waiting
... I'm getting used to the waiting
... how much more they
... for elections
... for food
... for the next day
.... for better or for worse
It's interesting to be here stuck inside more often than not.
... we don't go out much
... unless we're in single file line
... 大家一起春游，小学生
... it's for our own protection
... from the uncomfortable and the poor
... corruption free Bangladesh
... rich in culture and history
... so much you'd never be able to understand it in these hours, minutes, days
... not unless you
... stayed ... with... us...
... how many are willing to stay?
... So your going to leave behind your Chinese students to teach here?
leave behind ... what?
I've stood outside for maybe an hour at most
I'm getting cabin fever here... these [sic] days
Culturally displaces...
Maybe the only Chinese American in the country
certainly the only one amongst the dozen
Asian nations represented here.
Let me out
So I can breathe that dirty air
just a little bit
... it can't be as bad for me as they think
... I wanna get my heart closer to my head... one step closer
... I wanna give it away
... give it away
... give it
... away
Get your camer stolen
get your chocolate stolen
Get your heart lost
and figure it out all over again.
...
zzzzZZZZ
but figure it out when you're rested
when you've eaten
regularly
Are you afraid of losing yourself?
If you bit loose too much...
will you be labeled that outsider
feeling lonely in your own country... home
maybe you don't fit where you are anyway
... than where?

.. .

It's nice to be admired...
-as a capable teacher
-as a quick learning judge
-as a cultural novelty
-as a fun and sociable guy
-as a token Westerner (sort of)
-as a cute face
-etc, etc, etc
but as time passes
as the music plays
the beat pulses
hips swaying
hands waving
lights flashing
smoke swirling
...it hits you
...I want those words
words
words
WORD
lyrics
to baptize
the beats
the melody
and bring me
Back...


to what?
Something Real...
Like the streets... like home
I don't know where I am going
But here I am, North-South,
University, Dhaka, Bangladesh
This is real too...
Check back in.
feel it
get
outside.

.. .

I'm getting used to the heat.
It seems I can often get used to most things
At heart, I'm passive
I try and understand
and if I can...
it's okay
If I can't
I try and make it that way.
I'm a peacemaker at hear,
but the absence of conflit is not peace
what's a better word?
平安
Shalom
Is that what I bring?
that's what i want to bring.

Policy and Principle at the Podium
Logic, rhyme, and reason on display
to sharpen young minds
break the status quo
raise up new leaders,
for what?

Outside the leaders of tomorrow riot
chaos amongst the elite
despair amongst the streets
and problems, problems, problems
for what?

One life worth a hundred more?
Democracy worth the Storm?
Sudden rainstorms, in and out of season
cars, rickshaws, clogged pipes, traffic
like our hearts

Debate right, Think right
But can weel feel right?
Feel it?

Notes from Beijing

The goal is to bring my internal feelings of love and commitment into external realities, specifically import relationships, in order to prepare my life for transition from singleness to togetherness, from "I" to "We," to ready myself for the coming of a queen, to ready my private life for the new home to be built, its foundations of servanthood, soul & vision, confidence & commitment.

Ephesians 5:25-28

.. .

Write more...
A better relationship w/ sister... equals
Stronger foundations w/ God
Serving the Church more?
Discipleship
Academics well learned & applie

What about internally my love? What kind of person do you want to be?
How can I help you go there?
To optimize your beauty?

.. .

Need to be "felt" -> feeling ignored
Need for movement vs. compassion
Don't "Sit in it" (push me with questions)
Don't
Discredit
Once I feel heard, there is
conversation.

.. .

1) Growth in honest & clear communication
what helps you feel heard?
private, doors closed
brainstorm & feedback
consistency + quality + connection

2) Feel more safe & comfortable & secure
with one another
appreciated
affirmation
be nice
:) Flattery

Trustworthiness -> Judged -> Dependable/reliable -> "gossip"

3) Don't let stress and busyness throw us off

when the other doesn't feel heard, appreciated, valued, loss of priority {sic} & conflicts
Speak up when not feeling valued

Glutted

I've mostly fancied myself a producer and creator rather than one whom only consume. I dislike the idea of being a consumer alone. Yet in recent months, I feel that is what I have become…

Much of it has to do with being more deeply "plugged in" to the digital culture of endless information. I've been glutted. Despite attempts at a healthy media diet, I am fast losing my ability to produce given the epic amount of thoughts I swallow from day to day via the various media feeds in my life.

Mind you, I am not filling my head with junk. The most worthless concepts moving in and out of my mind are likely related to baseball, a harmless past time. Everyone needs something. Otherwise, it is a mix of journalism on the state of China, digital and social innovations in education, reflections on the state of the Christian faith, and other matters pertaining to development and all forms of idealism I confess to. They are all matters that apply to my life in some way, shape, or form.

But I'm spilling over and I haven't produced.

This needs to change.

Out with Secrecy...

"Forcing the U.S. government to give up its addiction to secrecy in foreign affairs might be a good thing in the long term, although painful in the short term. After all, international relations based on secret-keeping—like relations between people who have something to hide—are inherently fragile."

-Dana Priest

Arab Spring in a Nutshell...

"Mohamed Bouazizi’s death redefined Mideast martyrdom, as civil disobedience instead of suicide bombs."

-Robin Wright, The Atlantic

Waking up Early (Thoughts on Pastoring)

I was awoken this morning before the baby cried. This is unusual. I had no reason to be up at that hour. I had gone to sleep fairly late. Maybe it was too hot or I felt too dirty. I took a shower.

Sometimes when i wake up suddenly in the early mornings, I get the feeling God woke me up. It feels like a finger poking at my soul, just enough to jolt me out of sleep, but tender enough to keep me from feeling irritated.

So I try and pray, mediate, re-center, re-connect.

I've almost forgotten how… promised so many times to re-learn the spiritual disciplines I had fostered in my younger, more zealous years.

I lay on my futon for an hour, half asleep, half in prayer… mostly prayers of thanksgiving. That spirit of thanks managed to permeate the rest of the day and, somewhere in those prayers and sleepy state of meditation, came the sense of security I so often seem to lack.

While my views of Faith and God continue to reform, do I still have the simple trust of a child?

Lunch with Phil: a man in a position I want to be in in a few years myself. Simplified and focused, intentional and open, building community and seeking justice. A stark contrast to the season of job juggling, theology studying', networking cause that's what your supposed to be doin, church-goin, baby-loving, Bmore-DC commutin, divided mess I'm in now.

But it's a seasonal thing… I am in the present and I relish what is set before me for now. I do believe it is preparing me.

Most of all, my conversation with Phil gave me a rekindled look at the ministry of the Gospel. It seems there are many in my generation grappling with the possibilities of intentional urban communities as Christ communities embodied without any of the dressings of the former institutions so often tied to Christendom and the Market. Perhaps this is the kind of pastor… Christian… I want to be.

Eugene Peterson has a memoir out on his journey as a Pastor contemplating his decades of ministry. Something about the pastors role as the one responsible for observing and facilitating the relationships between God, people, and the world. That's heavy.

You know what else is heavy? Pepperoni Pizza and Hot Dogs… but decided to skip the Ice Cream Bar… good call. Jaimie whats-his-name's Food Revolution would be proud. I'm essentially a vegetarian a little over half the week now.

Henry Kissinger has a new book out "On China" consolidating his decades of diplomacy with the Middle Kingdom. I get his basic framework, but decided to skip it and buy Joshy a book on learning how to read. I think it comes a few years too early though. Josh can't read yet and I may not have the credibility to be the China expert I think I am. Then again, maybe I am.

What I am not, is a businessman. I have no head for thinking in terms of business. My wife does. She's a natural at it. "Shark Tank" was not match for her. If churches are businesses, I cannot be a pastor. I'd run churches into the ground.

Late in the evening discovered the concept of the "multicultural" educator through Paul Gorski of George Mason. EdChange and his Multicultural Pavilion are inspiring digital spaces reflecting everything I want to be in an educator... and dare I say it... a pastor. Also got wind I may be reappointed to teach at AU again the Fall. Teaching is a passion of mine and I am thankful God has given me the opportunity to make a living doing what I love. For now, the classrooms are my parishes and it is where I wil put into practice some of these seemingly random intuitions.

So there is a theme developing here.. .

But the best parts of the day? Kickin' it with my son all day. While it can seem tedious, it is by far the most important use of my time. He smiles and giggles, dances, calls everything a dog, lays around and watches TV, pulls everything out of everything, eats and eats and eats, and is precious, precious, precious.

It was a good day.

I should wake up early to pray more often.

I hope I can do such.. .

“On the one hand, we are called to play the Good Samaritan on life’s roadside, but that will be only an initial act. One day we must come to see that the whole Jericho Road must be transformed so that men and women will not be constantly beaten and robbed as they make their journey on life’s highway. True compassion is more than flinging a coin to a beggar. It comes to see that an edifice which produces beggars needs restructuring.”

-Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., April 4, 1967, at Riverside Church in New York City